We believe in Marx/Freud/Darwin/Nietzsche/Lukacs/Gramsci/Sanger/Dewey/Kinsey/Derrida/Foucault
We believe everything is OK
As long as you don’t hurt anyone,
To the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge
Unless they are radical right fundamentalists
Who believe in the Second Coming, God, logos.
We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage
We believe in the therapy of sin
We believe adultery is fun
We believe sodomy is OK
We believe that taboos are taboo
We believe in pleasure, AIDS, syphilis
We believe that anatomy is destiny.
We believe that everything is getting better
Despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.
We believe there’s something in horoscopes, comets, UFO’s and bent spoons
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed, and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad
We prefer free love to virtue.
We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
Creation, Sin, Heaven, Hell, God and Salvation.
We believe that after death comes The Nothing
Because when you ask the dead what happens
They say nothing
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then it’s compulsory heaven for all
Excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.
We believe in [Oprah and Ellen]
What’s selected is average
What’s average is normal
What’s normal is good.
We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
And the Russians and Chinese would be sure to follow.
We believe in world government
We believe in Gorbachev and Shakhnazarov
We believe in synthesis
of Western capitalism and Eastern communism equals world socialism.
We believe in socialism
We believe in abolition of property, family, and traditional values.
We believe that man is essentially good.
It is only his behavior that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.
We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him
Reality will adapt accordingly
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe there is no absolute truth
Excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.
We believe in rejection of creeds (except this one)
We believe in everything
We believe in nothing
We are dead men walking into the abyss
Follow us and we’ll make you dead men, too!
– Steve Turner