Just to throw it out there… It really bothers me that I have Lauri’s Weblog in HUGE letters on the top of my screen. I have tried and tried to get it off, but it is being stubborn and I lack the ability to do so apparently. Once again, the computer wins. Maybe one day I will learn how to customize my blog appearance. If you are skilled in this area and would like to offer up your services, feel free.
I am a dreamer
needing direction.
I am content
needing a challenge.
I am a wild heart
needing to be tamed.
I am a giver
needing a recipient.
I am a worker
needing rest.
I am a napper
needing to wake.
I am a sacrifice
needing a cause.
I am selfish
needing less of me.
I am a stickler
needing compassion.
I am a line pusher
needing lines.
I am needy
needing to give space.
I am independant
needing a friend.
I am insecure
needing the truth.
I am confident
needing to fear God.
I am stubborn
needing to bend.
I am clay
needing to be shaped.
I am an encourager
needing support.
I am an optimist
needing to be realistic.
I am a willing ear
needing a sound voice.
I am a student
needing to teach.
I am a runner
needing to be healed.
I am a dancer
needing a song.
I am strong
needing to let go.
I am a cryer
needing permission.
I am curious
needing an answer.
I am certain
Needing to face questions.
I am a contradiction
I don’t know what I need.
Except for this:
I am a sinner
desperately needing grace.
Click:
Daisy Love
This feels close to home and it is breaking my heart. I have been humbled repeatedly while following these updates as I see Britt and Kate clinging to Jesus in the midst of the most agonizing time in their life. They are finding real meaning in James 1:2-4, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Please, please continue to pray for their strength as parents to come from Christ.. and of course for Daisy to be healed. 
I thought this was powerful. So, I decided to steal it without permission… Glen, if you ever read this, hope that its okay. I assume that it is.
http://thesmallworld.wordpress.com/2009/08/19/grant-that-i-might-not-be/
Also, I don’t want to add to it, for it speaks volumes on its own and my mere words would merely detract from its profundity.
Last week I experienced yet another chuckle to myself and a slight upward nod in understanding. I have had a lot of those this year.
During my weekly physical therapy appointment my therapist could not stop praising my recovery and was telling everyone in the office how ahead of the curve I was. He got quite a few people on my bandwagon and all were very impressed with my strength and coordination… what kind of athlete was I?? I got that question several times. So, as you can imagine, I was enjoying the excitement because I began the rabbit trail of setting a new goal to making it to 100% by the end of summer. I saw hikes and runs and mountain bike rides… all sorts of goodies that I have just been itching for. In wanting to make sure that I was clear on setting my new goals, I asked a poignant question. How will I know when I am ready?
Apparently, no matter how “ready” I get myself, no matter how strong and coordinated, the graft has to be secure. There is nothing that I can do to speed that process along. All sorts of tests have been done and the quickest it becomes a fully healed ligament prepared for dramatic stresses is 6 to 8 months. Well, that was not exactly what I wanted to hear.
HOWEVER, this is a message that I have heard in various forms throughout this year. I am slowly starting to get it… I think it all boils down to this:
We are to do what is set out before us with utmost diligence, finding satisfaction in knowing that when the next step comes we will be ready, but not getting distracted nor losing heart when the next step becomes an unknown. There is purpose in the work at hand and we must learn to relinquish our striving for control over the work ahead. Each day has enough troubles of its own.
So, I continue on in the tedious exercises, the strenuous ones, the icing, the stretching, and the painful bending. Eventually I will see the fruit.
ps. This is what happens when you can’t contribute anything athletic to a Hume Hoe Down… Pie eating. I do not recommend it.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=722569018767 <– This is a link to the video of my surgery of the inside of my knee only. It is pretty sweet. Hopefully it works… the kind of file it is in won’t upload to wordpress. lame.
not too shabby.
If you are really brave you should go on youtube and search for acl surgeries. I didn’t want to defile my blog and scare away 7 out of the 10 people who actually check this 
It is confession time. I did not do great at the sit on the couch list.
I read in the books that I planned on, but did not finish anything. I listened to some podcasts but am not up to date. I took pictures but am no more versed on photography than I was pre-couch. I did organize my iCal a bit and my dad properly backed up my oh-so-important computer. I laid out a bit to try and cure my inside the house blues. Meh.. I don’t feel like going over all of the quasi-successes and blatant failures. Although I did not adhere to the list, I know that the what ended up being 10 days, were not wasted.
The greatest conclusion that I came to is that I can easily work myself up over not knowing what the fall holds for me. After dwelling on that for a couple of days I realized the nobody knows what the fall holds for them. Although there may be plans, nobody really knows what God is going to do, what consequences of their sin will be, or how consequences of other’s sin will affect them. “Knowing” what is coming is a false sense of security and an allusion of control that we don’t actually have. Even in the falsity and allusion however, we find comfort. So now, I am having to face my lack of control and security. Although it is far from comfortable in the normal way that I seek comfort, it is in fact comforting to know that I am being honest with myself about not having control, about having fears, and really learning to trust God with my life. I am trusting that HIS will is done, not my own.
Even as far as the days post-surgery went… I had plans for them, but God had others. I am thankful that his will trumps mine… and praying that I always allow that to be the case.
Switching gears…
Here are some websites to check out if you are looking to give financially or to serve. Each of them I either know the people personally or they are friends of close friends.
AFJN: Africa Faith and Justice Network – What we do
To Write Love on Her Arms > Vision
Machine Gun Preacher Angels of East Africa
Yesterday Luke and I were talking and he confessed that he isn’t always nice. I thought back to the many times I’ve watched Rachel carefully discipline Luke when is being mean to Heidi. She thoroughly explains why we need to be nice, how Jesus wants us to be nice to each other, and that it is necessary to ask for forgiveness from the offended party. In all of this, they take the time to pray and ask God to help him be nice and as well as asking for God’s forgiveness. So, in light of that, I ask Luke the following question: Do you sometimes need to ask God to help you be nice?
To my surprise, he said, “No. I don’t ask God to help me be nice.” Curious, I probed, “Why not Luke?”
And this is the kicker…. He said that because God sees me all the time, he already knows when I need help being nice.
I was impressed. My little Luke is growing in spiritual wisdom 
However… there was something going on here that needed to be addressed. Luke shares a similar sentiment to many adults who believe, in theory, that God sees everything. They also realize that there is much in this world that needs his help. Many adults have trouble with recognizing these two facts; if God is all powerful and all knowing, why do people suffer? If he sees it all and it is within his power to fix it all, why doesn’t he? Valid question.
I then reminded Luke of when he was a baby. When I got him out of the bath and needed to put his clothes on, he didn’t want me to. He wanted to do it himself. I knew that he needed help and that he couldn’t do it on his own, but my offering help only exacerbated his fury. He wanted to do it on his own. So, even though I knew he needed help and I had the power to give it to him, I chose not to until he finally decided to let me help him… in a sense I waited for him to ask me, for him to give up control so that I could actually do something to help. I paralleled that to God and I could practically see his brain churning… and then he skipped off.
I’m not sure how profoundly that impacted my 4 year old nephew… but I know that I was certainly impacted by it. Once again, I was reminded of the necessity of us asking.. not just sitting back and passively waiting for God to chime in. Jesus says to “keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8. As far as the simplicity of Luke’s response though, I am reminded of Matthew 6:33.
“Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
God does see it all. He sees if we are seeking him above everything else. He sees if we are living righteously. If he sees us doing those things, then he will give us everything we need, without specifically asking… because a lifestyle of seeking him above all will mean that we are asking a lot.
I love learning from kids.
*Disclaimer: If this is incoherent, I blame it on the pain and the drugs.
Tomorrow at 1:45pm I am going to have an achilles tendon from a cadaver replace my severed anterior cruciate ligament. In other words, I am having knee surgery. I realize I rarely have an opportunity to sit for 2 weeks… and this is a great one. I am making a list of things that I would like to do, and not do, for the next 2 weeks. If you have any suggestions, I will consider them.
1. Read Beyond Opinion by Ravi Zacharius.
2. Finish The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs (sooo funny, Ash I love it).
3. Talk about Crazy Love with Breana.
4. Make sure my computer is backed up.
5. Organize my iCal.
6. Learn about my camera and how to really use it.
7. Organize iTunes.
8. Listen to Reality Podcasts and get up to date.
9. Blog about birds.
10. Call people that I have talked to in over 3 months.
11. Take prayer requests and spend time actually requesting them.
12. Memorize a verse every other day. (accountability people!!)
13. Keep ears open for direction of what to do in the fall.
14. Whiten teeth.
15. Soak up some sun.
16. Figure out how to serve while being helpless.
17. Have a good attitude always.
18. Give thanks in all circumstances.
19. Study the Bible.
20. Let Jesus be enough…
and as far as limitations…
1. Facebook once a day, max.
2. Extremely limited tv and movie watching. Only in the case of too many drugs to function.
3. Absolutely no whining.
Alright, that is the scoop. On another post I will give the scoop on the other goods of my life.
Peace people. Real, real peace.
L
